if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
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As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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