areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
