I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
