I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
