WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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