dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
