I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Tell her she can't have a vagina
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
