Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize