I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
