I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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