i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
