Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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