remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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