why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
