Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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