He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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