she looked like the bat from fern gully.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Randomize
