The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
What a dumb baby whore.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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