No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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