You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
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