so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
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I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.