i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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