yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
