So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
