So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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