okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
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Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize