I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
