dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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