what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
