I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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