i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You can't special order awesome
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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