if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
