We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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