I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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