im drinking this country out of the recession.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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