Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
