i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
