i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
