Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
