Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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