she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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