My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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