I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
