Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
