i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
