I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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