i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
