I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
