woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
