May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
