remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
