You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
