Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize