Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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