So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
