Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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