I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
