So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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