We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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