my vag is so smooth its legendary
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
