He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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