I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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