some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
